I am 22 weeks and feeling great! We had some unexpected events take place last week and I wanted to share them because life isn't always perfect and doesn't always go the way we planned or imagined. We often portray these perfect lives on social media and forget that all of us, no matter who we are, can be tested and go through times of uncertainty. To some of you our story may seem trivial, but to us it was something that tested our faith and really made us cling to God. If you want to hear more keep on reading!
I went for my 20 week ultrasound a few weeks ago, and Jason wasn't allowed to come in until the end to see the baby - hospital rule (I do not like this rule, but that's a whole other post). Anyways, I'm in there getting my ultrasound and the tech's doing his thing typing away and snapping pics. I could tell he was struggling a bit because I carry very low and usually my pelvic bone gets in the way. After about 20 minutes the tech said he couldn't find the heart to get a picture (I could feel the baby moving, so I knew it had a heart), so he asked me to go pee and come back. He said I could grab Jason and Everly on my way back in. We got back in and he found the heart right away and snapped some pics, then he went through and showed us all of the body parts. It has the cutest profile and is a pretzel just like Everly was. Our appointment came to an end and he told us a few times to follow up with our doctor. They never said this to me with Everly, and I know he can't tell us if he noticed something abnormal, so right away his comment made me a bit worried.
About two hours later we were at our house and I got a call from my doctor. She said that she got the ultrasound results and they weren't able to find a certain line that separates the two hemispheres of the brain. I froze and my heart started racing. Anything that affects the brain is obviously very serious. I could tell my doctor was giving minimal info so that I wouldn't panic but it's hard not to panic when you get news like that. She told me I would need to go for a fetal assessment. For those of you that don't know, a fetal assessment is another ultrasound that is conducted by a nurse who specifically works with pregnant women. I learned later that the initial ultrasound tech does all sorts of ultrasounds, not just prenatal. My doctor booked me in for a fetal assessment at the same hospital for the next week. Right away I was a bit anxious about what this could mean and just felt uneasy. Jason and I prayed a lot and asked God for peace over the next few days - basically non-stop.
Two days later though my doctor called back and said she spoke with someone else about my situation and they recommended I go to a different hospital for my fetal assessment so that a Genetic Counselor could be on hand to talk to us after...well if I wasn't worried before I was now. I called Jason right away crying, just worried about our little unborn baby. We spent the next 4 days praying so much and spending so much time with God. It was honestly such a good wake up call about what is important in life. Nothing matters anymore when you think one of your kids might not be healthy. Not Jason's job, not money, not clothes, not petty arguments, not where we live, not anything. My initial urge was to Google every possible thing that could be wrong, but as I read the first article I felt God say stop. I knew it would only make the situation worse and make me more worried. Instead I kept getting the verse, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” - Philippians 4:6-7. I prayed this over and over every time I felt myself getting anxious and worried, and every time I felt God's peace.
Walking into the ultrasound on Tuesday I had such a peace and wasn't worried. Not because I knew our baby would be healthy, but because no matter what happened God was going to take care of us and our baby. I knew God would equip us for whatever lay ahead. We had the most wonderful nurse and she told us why we were there. She said she would walk through everything as she saw it and that the Genetic Counselor was outside to talk to us after. She started the ultrasound and started taking pics and checking out the baby. She also commented on how low I carried and how it was hard to get a clear shot of the head. She finally wiggled around enough to get the view she needed of the brain and the "missing piece" was there!! I literally started tearing up. I have never in my life been more happy about anything. She took a bunch of pictures of it and completed the rest of the ultrasound just to be safe. She went and also got a doctor to take a second look to be 100%. The doctor came in and confirmed what the nurse had seen. When she left the room Jason and I prayed right away. We had never felt more relieved and thanked God for being with us through it all.
We left that hospital feeling so lucky. Yes we prayed and believed God would give us a healthy baby, but we also know that just because we believe in God and pray does not mean we are immune to bad things happening to us. I hate that it takes bad situations for us to truly rely on God and to spend time with Him every day. I wish I woke up every day with that NEED to pray and ask God for guidance and to strengthen my faith. I'm hoping to hold on to that feeling as long as I can and remember that even when everything is going good in life, that we still need God just as much.
Our baby is healthy, squished like a pretzel and kicking like crazy. We are beyond blessed and excited to meet our little bundle. This experience taught us to not take anything for granted, and to continually lift our children up to God. No matter how good of parents we think we are or will be, we will always fall short and need God's help. I am now focused on enjoying every minute of this pregnancy and our last months alone with Everly York!